Over the past few weeks I have started to realise that I really do need to take better care of myself. When I’m at uni I work myself into the ground with all the commitments I take on and I find myself constantly putting my physical and mental wellbeing at the bottom of my priority list. I guess this blog post is just about everything that’s happened to force me to take better care of myself and will act as a reminder to put myself first sometimes.
Someone commented on my blog being very personal last week and I hadn’t really realised how a true a statement that was until I had a proper read through my content. I write this blog so I can look back and remember all the things I’ve experienced so I try to be as honest as possible. I also find getting everything out quite cathartic.
Since the start of this academic year, I have taken on so much. I say this all the time but I really am a firm believer of making the most of the time we have on the planet. I’m very aware that my time at university is coming to an end and I strive to make sure I utilise every opportunity. This is something that I will never change about myself – I want to live life to its fullest. However, I’ve realised if I am going to continue to do so much then something has gotta give in terms of self care.
I noticed that for a few months now, weird things have been happening to my body. There was an incident when I was on the way to a rehearsal and I just felt dizzy and couldn’t walk in a straight line or feel my hands. There was another occasion when I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking at an event and there have been numerous times when I’ve been trying to get something done and found it difficult to breathe or found myself overcome with panic. The tipping point for me was when I was in town for a celebration with friends I hadn’t seen in a really long time and I just felt anxious and panicky the whole time I was there and had to leave.
This made me reassess my life and how I am handling things. I have never been an anxious person but recently I seem to worry about everything. I think it’s down to lots of things. Being too busy to eat – most days I just about manage to squeeze in tea, exhaustion – before progression week my alarm would go off at 7am for lectures, work etc and I wouldn’t get home until 11pm after rehearsal. Finally, taking on excessive amounts and not thinking about myself or when I get a rest.
I took the second half of progression week to get myself together. I decided that I would force myself to do something that is very much against my nature – say no. When I am asked to do something I always say yes as I want to make everyone else’s life as easy as possible, whether that be taking on another shift, organising another event or going to every rehearsal. I have realised that sometimes I just need some time for me and to do trivial things like watch TV or have my dinner at a reasonable hour. I’m feeling like myself again for the first time in ages.
It has made the world of difference and I’m feeling as though these weird anxious episodes I’ve been experiencing are a thing of the past. I feel in control again and I’ve learnt to delegate tasks and not take everything on my own back and to take a step back when I need to. I want to enjoy the next few months and I feel like adding ‘no’ to my vocabulary might just help me out with that.
I hope you’re all taking care of yourself too,