I know I am a little bit late to be jumping on the new year bandwagon, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently (dangerous I know) and I’ve come to a few conclusions about myself and my life. Each year I do usually participate in some resolutions or small changes that I would like to implement for myself that usually fizzle out in a few months. This year, I’ve decided to write about something a little bit different that I refer to as my new year ‘revelations’.
When I say new year revelations, I mean some things that I have realised over the past few months that I am going to try to keep in the forefront of my mind as I navigate through the things coming my way in 2020. I’ve already started acting based on these revelations and I have to say I am feeling stronger, clearer and more positive than ever (let’s hope it’s not just the new year buzz). Here’s a look at a few of the revelations and how I intend to use them this year.
I don’t like everyone
Now I know that sounds a bit abrupt but I can’t think of a better way to describe this so bare with me. For so long I have always been concerned about what others think of me and that feeling you get when you sense someone isn’t your biggest fan used to upset me a lot, especially in my hometown. Whilst making a good impression and leading with kindness and being polite to everyone will always be priorities of mine, I have come to the realisation that…
- It’s okay if not everyone likes me
- I don’t have to like everyone
For years I have dimmed myself or silenced my voice just to please others or conform to what other groups want me to be like and I feel very liberated in my new revelation that I really don’t care – especially when I am not too keen on the people I have previously tried to please. I don’t know if I am wording this is a way that is understandable but basically I am going to stop caring so much about what people think and accept the fact that there are some people I dislike (which is okay) and I’m not going to let their opinion impact me.
I’m doing well
This is something that I’m sure most people think I have always known. On paper, I have always strived for success and have achieved a lot of things in my 21 years of life. However, I am the first to understate my achievements or let self-doubt cloud my opinion of myself. I have learnt recently that talking about yourself positively and ‘selling yourself’ is actually such a valuable skill and can change your entire self outlook.
This has specifically come from my entry into the graduate job field where I have had lots of promotion interviews and supervision sessions within my current job which require me to talk about my triumphs and losses etc. I have really learnt the value of celebrating your success and presenting yourself and your achievements in a positive light (without coming across as braggy or arrogant). This has lead to me realising that for a 21 year old straight out of uni, I am doing well for myself starting the first step of my career and completing a masters degree. I am happy where I am in life and I am proud of myself for working so hard to get here and it’s okay to be open about that and praise yourself.
It’s okay to challenge people
This is an important one for and is something that links into the ‘I don’t like everyone’ revelation. I struggle (and I mean realllyyy struggle) to keep my mouth shut around people who have harmful opinions and voice these in disrespectful ways. Obviously everyone is entitled to an opinion etc but I think the way we voice our opinion and our fundamental core beliefs are very important attributes.
The opinions I am talking about are those that are racist, homophobic, transphobic misogynist, sexist or just plain spiteful. I am so tired of having to sit and listen quietly whilst people around me spew absolutely hateful things and remarks that others just laugh along with or are awkwardly pushed into submission like myself. Whilst I am not going to intentionally start rows and be spiteful back to people, I am going to start challenging remarks and comments that are judgmental, spiteful or just plain wrong. I’ve found that usually the types of people that are making these remarks in a spiteful way are either uneducated (to which I will happily have a discussion exchanging information and opinions on matters respectfully) or are just bigots with genuinely corrupt core beliefs. I can challenge people in large ways like directly in conversation, or in small ways like simply removing someone on social media if they are posting harmful things.
Basically, I have a right to challenge harmful language, remarks and opinions in a respectful way and I also do not have to like or agree with people whose core beliefs I consider to be horrible.
Even writing those words almost made me revert back to my lack or self confidence but I will stand my ground with myself. I am so tired of dimming my sparkle (cheesy I know) or downplaying my talents and what I’m capable of in the presence of others or out of fear. The fact of the matter is that I am talented in my own right and I need to remember that.
Am I the most talented person in the world? No. Am I better than I give myself credit for? Yes. I’m not comparing myself to others as this is something I stopped a long time ago, but I need to remember that I have done so many amazing things. I have won awards for my work as musical director and taught/wrote/arranged the music for 4 shows, I have been in over 30 stage productions, I have a merit is my grade 8 singing, can play 4 instruments, am employed to deliver music therapy style sessions by big organisations etc, etc. I need to give myself more credit and be my own biggest fan.
This revelation came from one key moment that sounds really insignificant but has stuck with me for some odd reason. Alex and I were driving to Worcester recently to visit some friends and our road trips involve a long playlist pumped up loud and singing to our hearts content. Alex was the aux chord master and chose The Greatest Showman soundtrack to which we jammed and tried harmonies too etc. Never Enough came on and usually I would just listen to it as its a killer song but I decided ‘screw it’ I’m just going to belt it out and live my best life. After belting the song and hitting all of the notes and leaving myself shook Alex utter the words “you are so underestimated.”
This has stuck with me and I guess the only real resolution I have going into this year is to stop being underestimated. I kinda started at the end of last year with my audition for the pantomime. I remember Alex looking at me and was concerned I was going to bottle it and let my voice shake etc in the audition but I remember saying to myself ‘do not let yourself be underestimated’ and I think it’s probably the best singing audition I have given in my life – no shaking to be seen!
There we have it. A list of my revelations going into the new year. I am aiming to keep this in mind throughout the year and hopefully they will bring some positive experiences and allow me to feel assured and content with myself.
What do you think? Have you got any revelations of your own or can relate to any of mine? Do you disagree with some of my revelations? Let me know in the comments.